Meaningless emotions
by Clourophobe
Summary: Lets just say.... Two lonely boys need comfort, but neither will admit it.
1. Why are you sad?

"I can never do anything right." He said while looking at himself in the mirror. His eyebrows were singed, his face tinged red and quite sore, but at least it was no longer black; as it had been earlier. He rubbed his sore face hoping it would help, he was wrong, again. He really did feel like he could never do anything right, this thought made him very sad, he wished for someone to talk to; a true friend. "No one wants to befriend a screw-up." He was talking to himself, he did this a lot; it made him feel as if he had someone to talk to. He was quiet for a while, thinking and looking at himself in the mirror. He stayed this far to long and started getting mad, he hit the mirror; it shattered, and he left the room. He walked out into the hall and ran into someone, he fell backwards and hit his head on a suit of armor. "Great, I can't even walk to the common room without messing it up." he thought angrily. "Longbottom! You ran into me you twerp!" Draco Malfoy yelled angrily, he kicked at Neville. "I'm so sorry Malfoy!" Neville squeaked and stood up quickly, getting ready to run off; if need be. Malfoy just glared, and turned on his heel; stalking back to Slytherin common room. Neville was relieved; he didn't want to be hexed tonight, he was feeling bad enough as it is.  
  
Once Neville finally got to Gryffindor common room he sat alone in a corner, trying to avoid being seen. Neville wasn't really in the mood to be made fun of or patronized. Unfortunately Harry saw him come in. Harry walked over to him and sat down beside him. "Hey Neville, how are you?" Harry said, smiling contently, which Neville thought odd, because it didn't look like one of Harry's forced smiles. "Please don't take this personally Harry, but go the fuck away." Neville said and rested his forehead on his left knee; he looked as if he was ready to cry. "Neville. What's wrong?" Harry asked him; sounding genuinely concerned. "I said go away." Neville repeated weakly. He was shaking a bit. "Let's go upstairs, we can talk there." Harry replied persistently, hauling Neville to his feet and pulling him towards the stairs. Neville followed, walked along a bit. He felt a strange numb come upon him. He wondered why? Neville thought he would like to be alone with Harry, talk to him, get to know him; but now he just felt numb.  
  
Once upstairs Harry pulled Neville onto his bed, Harry sat down beside Neville and looked him over. "You should have gone to see Poppy." Harry said brushing his fingers over Neville's pink cheeks. Neville knew he should feel uncomfortable, but he didn't. He looked at Harry but did not reply. He stared at Harry, looked into his eyes, there was no judgment in his eyes, just mild concern and a bit of sadness. "Why is he sad?" Neville wondered. Harry knew Neville wasn't going to respond, he caressed Neville's cheek with his thumb, and his right hand was sifting through Neville's hair. Harry wondered why Neville seemed more relaxed now; maybe he felt the same way about Harry as Harry felt about him? Or maybe Neville never got affection at home? This thought was highly plausible and it angered Harry. Harry loved Neville. Harry still loves Neville. Neville turned his head slightly; looking at the wall. Neville felt like a child, he felt like that was how Harry was treating him. Like someone who had to be looked after and worried about. He had no idea how wrong he was. Harry felt as if he were about to cry, Neville's looking away felt like rejection; something Harry couldn't handle. That's why Harry never told Neville how he felt, how he feels; his fear of rejection is so great. Harry felt as if that simple turn of head had slashed his heart. His eyes went cold, his face fell, he looked a bit like Snape; unhappy, but unreachable. Harry continued to stroke Neville's hair, his other hand brushing fingertips over sore skin. Neville did nothing to encourage or discourage this. So they both stayed that way until Neville fell asleep, then Harry went to his own bed and cried himself to sleep. 


	2. Crying again

Neville woke up the next day feeling worse then he had when he went to sleep, physically he felt fine, but mentally and emotionally he ached. His heart ached when he woke up all alone; he had hoped maybe Harry would have stayed. Neville had so many questions, but none he would ask. Neville got showered and changed, glade that he had gone to sleep so early, he liked getting up early and showering alone. He felt uncomfortable showering with other people in the room. By the time Neville had finished his shower, the other boys had begun to wake up. Neville did not look at Harry; who was the only one who actually looked awake besides himself. Neville grabbed his bag and left for the great hall; even though he knew he wasn't going to be able to eat anything. He was going to avoid Harry all day, hopefully that wouldn't be too hard.  
  
***  
  
Harry woke up at least fifteen minutes before Neville; Harry just looked longingly at the other boy. Thoughts flitted through his head, barely registering with his brain. Harry felt so hollow. Had he been to bold yesterday? Did Neville know how he felt? Would he tell everyone? Harry hoped not. Harry wanted to cry, but after years of living with uncle Vernon he knew that crying didn't solve anything. When Neville started to wake up Harry pretended to be asleep, he wasn't ready to deal with last night's events just yet. Harry lay in bed pretending to be asleep until he heard the bathroom door shut, Harry listened to the sound of the shower and pictured Neville in there, Naked, right now. Harry was tempted to go look, but he didn't. Harry may be brave in the face of Voldemort, but in the face of the boy he loved, he was a coward. Harry stopped himself from listening to the shower and picturing such things about Neville, he had classes to go to and his roommates would be awake soon, now was not the time to let himself get hard. Neville got out of the shower and refused to look at Harry, this made Harry feel horrible. Harry was going to have a horrible day.  
  
***  
  
Harry and Neville avoided each other all day. It wasn't that hard really, considering they never really hung out, Neville was a loner and Harry hung out with Ron and Hermione; Neville avoided working with Hermione today because of this fact. It was slightly harder for them after class though. It was December 22nd so neither went outside; also they were both in the same house, so they both ended up in Gryffindor common room. Neville sat in the corner as he did the last night; meanwhile Harry sat on the other side of the room with Ron and Hermione. Unfortunately Hermione saw Neville and dragged both Ron and Harry over to go ask Neville what's wrong. Hermione kneeled down and put her and on Neville's shoulder. "What's wrong Neville?" She asked softly. "Please go away." He replied sounding a bit pleading. He wrapped his arms around his knees. He felt childish for doing so, but he was scared; very scared. "Why do you want us to go away Neville? What's wrong?" Hermione repeated her last question. She was very persistent, she wanted an answer. "Yeah Nev, What's wrong?" Ron asked smiling a goofy smile and kneeling down too, hoping to make Neville feel a bit better. Harry was still standing, he looked at Neville with sad eyes, hurt eyes, and he knew he should just go away, because he was just making this worse for Neville. Harry knew he should go away, but he couldn't, he missed being close to Neville, missed looking at him, and missed touching him. Harry felt so bad for causing Neville pain; he wished he could go back and change what he did. Neville looked up, he didn't answer Ron or Hermione, he just looked at Harry, who was looking hurt. "Why does he look hurt?" Neville wondered. "What does he have to feel hurt about!? He doesn't get treated like a little kid! They treat him like a god!" Neville thought more angrily. Harry saw anger in Neville's eyes, he felt horrible, because Neville hated him for what he did. Harry left and walked up the stairs to the dorm, he promptly went to his bed, closed the hangings, cast a silencing charm on them, and proceeded to cry himself to sleep for the second night in a row. 


	3. Bitter tears that I never shed

****  
  
Authors note: This chapter is a little messed; I was rather depressed while writing it. Next one will be better, I hope to add it sooner then I added  
this one.  
  
****  
  
The next morning Harry woke up but didn't get out of bed, he didn't feel like it. He knew no one would come looking for him for a while. Harry tried not to think about Neville, he really did, but he wanted to fix things, he loved Neville, he didn't want Neville to hate him, he didn't want to hurt  
Neville.  
  
But it was his love for the boy that got him in this mess in the first place wasn't it? Harry didn't want to think about it anymore. He tried to  
go to bed, but instead ended up just staring into space.  
  
It was about noon before anyone came looking for Harry, thank god for the  
weekend.  
  
"Wake up Harry!" Ron yelled and pulled back the hangings of Harry's bed. Harry proceeded to climb under his blankets, but Ron pulled those back too.  
  
"Fuck off would you?" Harry grumbled trying to hide, but Ron had left  
nothing on his bed to hide under.  
  
"No. Get out of bed, you're being almost as bad as Neville; Honestly. Why  
are the two of you wasting a good Saturday sleeping!?" Ron said while  
pulling Harry off the bed by a foot.  
  
"Neville's still sleeping?" Harry asked looking confused; Restraining  
himself from kicking Ron as he usually would.  
  
"Naw, we got him up about hour ago. He's less violent." Ron said tossing  
Harry a pair of clean pants and a T-shirt.  
  
***  
  
Harry decided he was going to confront Neville, he wasn't going to tell  
Neville how he felt, but he was going to see if he could do anything to  
make Neville less angry with him.  
  
After escaping Ron and Hermione he set out to find Neville, his first stop was at the greenhouses. Surprisingly Neville wasn't there; usually he was  
while he was in a mood.  
  
Harry checked a lot of different places, eventually he had to use the bathroom. Harry used the bathroom and when he came out, there Neville was,  
looking at himself in a mirror, mumbling to himself.  
  
"Neville?" Harry asked quietly.  
  
Neville turned in surprise. "What are you doing here!?" Neville said in an  
awkward tone.  
  
"Using the bathroom. though. I was looking for you. you know. Before I had to go to the bathroom." Harry muttered and went to the sink; he turned on  
the water and proceeded to wash his hands.  
  
"Why were you looking for me..?" Neville mumbled curiously but defensively  
at the same time.  
  
"I wanted to talk to you about yesterday.. And the day before." Harry said quietly, he wiped his hands dry on his T-shirt; he hadn't bothered putting  
on his robe, because it was the weekend after all.  
  
Neville glared and turned away. "What about them?" he crossed his arms,  
almost hugging himself, trying to make himself look more distant and  
comfort himself at the same time.  
  
"Why are you so mad at me Neville.? Are you afraid of me.?" Harry asked, getting a little ahead of himself, he hadn't really planned on asking the  
second question.  
  
Neville turned and glared at Harry. "Why would I be afraid of you!? What is there to be afraid of!? You wouldn't hurt me that'd a like hurting a child wouldn't it!?" Neville was talking loud, angry, not quite yelling yet, but close. Neville was so mad, why did Harry think he was afraid of him!? Harry  
wasn't that powerful or mean! Why would Neville fear him, he wasn't a  
child, he hated being treated like one.  
  
"Neville.. Calm down.. What the hell are you talking about.? You're not a child. And Id never hurt you!" Harry said he was confused as hell, "what is  
he talking about..? Why does he compare himself to a child?" Harry  
wondered.  
  
Neville hit Harry, hard. Harry fell backwards and hit his head, his lip was  
bleeding. "Stay away from me Potter! I don't need your pity!" Neville yelled and glared at Harry, he then proceeded to run out of the room and  
back to gryffindor common room.  
  
Harry felt his lip, it was swollen, bleeding and stung something horrible; Neville had quite a left hook. Harry's head felt weird, a fuzzy feeling was coming over him; he reached a hand around and felt the back of his head, it was bleeding too. Harry didn't have the will to stay awake. He felt empty;  
at least this time he wasn't crying himself to sleep. 


End file.
